I’ve been more isolated lately and one bit of fallout from that has been a reluctance to update my site, open mail, or answer the phone. It’s part of the process, or so they say. There were days I felt nothing. In a way it’s as if Im one big scabbed over scar. You think it’s like normal skin until you pick at it and discover it’s not nearly as healed as you thought it was.
Right now my email is down except for my iPhone. A lightningstrike took out every computer I had that was working so I bought an acer netbook to help me along until I got them fixed. A few weeks later I rocked my chair forward and heard the screen go crunch. I’ll be down a bit longer while I processes the holidays. They were much harder than I expected. I’m asking for prayers and patience while I go through the healing process.
Randy
A few items of interest this week.
But first a question…if anyone out there understands the ins and outs of Wordpress, I need some help on figuring out how to make a post sticky. In other words, the post about Gary I would like to stay at the top of this queue instead of being pushed downward each time I make a post. Any help would be appreciated. Pop me an email here. wordpress@papabear.biz
I’m thinking of joining Mustaches V Cancer. Does this mean I’m going to have to be better groomed? I fear I may be too late but I’ll look into this when I’m feeling a bit better.
I learned of this from the winner of the most natural beard contest who was featured on a local program here. Beard Team USA was news to me
A lastly but not leastly, David LaChapelle is, perhaps, the most amazing photographer I’ve ever seen. I don’t know why but his art really struck a cord with me so I wanted to share it with my friends and family. His Studio can be found here
Update: as of 10/12 the news is looking better. The HIV meds I’m buying on the black market are working and my viral load is coming back down. I’ve got a bit of a road ahead to get back to where I was before I ran out of money, but at least now the trend is heading the other way.
This fight over health care reform has left me shaking my head in consternation. I’m astonished that the people who are screaming socialism the loudest don’t seem to realize the irony in their objections.
If this reform doesn’t go through and these pills I’m buying off the black market turn out to be fake, my life expectancy is 18 to 20 months. I live in the wealthiest, most powerful nation on earth, and yet I have to go to India to by medication to save my own life.
I’m not asking for a hand out. I’m asking for a life line, a chance to save myself. They would rather stand and watch me drown just to prove theirs is the right argument.
I’ve already buried friends who died for no other reason than they could not get insurance. I just never thought I’d be counting myself among them.
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My friends and old team at MS Games (aka fasa, etc) have gone off and started their own gig. This is their first release and I’m immensely proud of them, thus I’m more than pleased to use my space on my site to give them some attention.
I don’t know why i feel I must keep posting to this site. I suppose I need to for an outlet even if no one ever really see’s my words. There’s always a slim hope that something I say will some day pop up in google and help someone I don’t know. So I post.
Today was hard. Very hard. I felt very close to a breakdown.
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How do you move forward with your life when a big part of you refuses to even acknowledge something?
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This is my third attempt at this post this morning. I’m long overdue on keeping everyone up to date and I give myself a hard time about it. So I sit down to write a simple post and …. well now I remember why I’ve waited so long to make a post. I sit at the computer, find that sitting like this is a tad painful, and I ramble on and on and on about crap no one cares about but me.
The bottom line is without Gary here to tell me to cut it out, there’s no one for me to bounce ideas off of or to wrangle me in. He was an excellent handler. We made a wonderful team.
There there are a few things missing in my home that I took for granted, not even knowing it was there to take for granted in the first place. Gary and I created our own little world. Inside the bubble that was us, we were safe and we had all we needed. The bubble popped and I discovered I’m utterly alone and isolated in a desert long from my home with no way to return.
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- Gary J Tenace
Sophie is a Golden Retriever. She has unusually fuzzy front paws and a big heart. When I’m not feeling well I often wake up to find her paws around my neck and her head resting on my forehead. Any other time she will get up and move to avoid my snuggling with her.
If Gary wanted to snuggle, she would be there in a heartbeat. She was definately bonded to Gary the most and she adored him.
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Tags: Death, Gary, Gary Tenace, illness, Pets
And then one night
I realized that his heart beat,
matched mine.
Tags: Death, Gary, Gary Tenace
