And then one night

I realized that his heart beat,

matched mine.

I turned on the TV tonight to numb the sadness I’ve felt all week. Just a few days ago I wondered aloud that I was dealing with all this so very well.

I spoke too soon.

I’ve been an miserable blubbering mess since Monday. I don’t know what it was exactly that set me off this time. A thought. A memory of a sound. A photo. It doesn’t take much right now.

On my television was an older woman talking about the love she shared with her late husband. I was enthralled because it was as if she opened my heart and looked inside and spoke of what she saw there. Those words were the very words I’d been thinking of ever since the day he was taken from me.

“We had a love so strong.. That is just seemed like we were one.

I would get ready to tell him something

and he would open his mouth

and say the very thing,

that I was fixing to tell him.

You know how frustrating that was at times?

Oh Lord I couldn’t stand it.

And then….

There were those moments when I would lay my head

on his chest just to listen to his heart beat.

And then one night

I realized that his heart beat,

matched mine.

Lord have Mercy.

Rhythms off

now he’s gone.”

A younger woman replied in earnest, “Oh I’m so sorry Aunt Myrtle”

Aunt Myrtle looked at her with determination and a gleam in her eye, “Don’t fret for me sweetheart,

I mean I have had an opportunity that few people ever get on this earth.

God has blessed me

to share time

and space

with a man that he designed himself

just for me.

I’ve not only been blessed…

I have been divinely favored.”

Those words spoke so perfectly what it is I feel about the life I’ve shared 14 years with. We were as if we were one person. The loss is more like loosing a part of myself, than loosing a loved one. The wound is much deeper than any I’ve ever felt before. How blessed I am to have had something so wonderful during a time in my life that was full of so much illness and pain. I couldn’t have asked for a higher angel to come to my aid than the one God gave to me.

Tags: Death, Gary, Gary Tenace