Update: as of 10/12 the news is looking better. The HIV meds I’m buying on the black market are working and my viral load is coming back down. I’ve got a bit of a road ahead to get back to where I was before I ran out of money, but at least now the trend is heading the other way.

This fight over health care reform has left me shaking my head in consternation. I’m astonished that the people who are screaming socialism the loudest don’t seem to realize the irony in their objections.

If this reform doesn’t go through and these pills I’m buying off the black market turn out to be fake, my life expectancy is 18 to 20 months. I live in the wealthiest, most powerful nation on earth, and yet I have to go to India to by medication to save my own life.

I’m not asking for a hand out. I’m asking for a life line, a chance to save myself. They would rather stand and watch me drown just to prove theirs is the right argument.

I’ve already buried friends who died for no other reason than they could not get insurance. I just never thought I’d be counting myself among them.

This fight over health care reform has left me shaking my head in consternation. I’m astonished that the people who are screaming socialism the loudest don’t seem to realize the irony in their objections.

I mean, besides that they have spent the last 50 years trying to kill medicare and suddenly, because it suits their needs and they know their supporters don’t remember anything past last month or read anything other than the text books they give them….they suddenly start screaming “save medicare” in order to kill the health reforms that may very well … save medicare!  I know that they will look back at this period 100 years from now and have the same feeling I get when I look back at the arguments people made to save slavery.  ”how could they have believed that and called themselves children of God?”.

I don’t know about you dear reader, but I got a pretty decent education from a socialist system called public schools. Those in my family screaming the loudest got their diplomas from the very same school I did.  Their parents get a monthly check from…ta da…social security. When I need protection I call 911 and socialism comes to my aid in the form of a public servant. Interesting they are called public servants, something that seems to be lost on the selfish interests fighting reform. Public servants in terms of firefighters and police. People don’t seem to mind socialism in action when it saves their asses. Keeps their house from burning down. Stops a crook from getting away with murder. Gives them money after they retire.  Gives them a free education their parents couldn’t have afforded otherwise.  I’m sure they will be the first to scream when their free health care hits a snag and isn’t servicing them exactly as they please.  There are bound to be problems but I fear that the least pimple on this new system will be cause for war in their minds.

I’m not saying all who object to reform are morons, but so far all i’ve heard have been the loudest, meanest, most selfish ones of the bunch. They refuse to read anything for themselves and are happy to believe any bit of crap spewed out over the air as long as it supports their own stance.

I’m all for public debate… rational discussions. We can come up with a better plan that way.  Screaming down people at a town hall meeting that had been designed to facilitate those very discussions is not debate nor is it democratic. Its bullying pure and simple.
These same people wouldn’t dream of having to pay a firefighter to save their home, and yet its ok to go bankrupt over an ambulance ride to an ER. I know. I’ve done it already and I’m on the brink again.
This time though, my life is on the line. If this reform doesn’t go through and these pills I’m buying off the black market turn out to be fake, my life expectancy is 18 to 20 months. Yet people in my own family are fighting the very thing that will save my life.

Its like the people who refuse to believe in global warming.  I have to ask myself… what are their motives?  Those who are fighting it so hard… what do they have to gain?  I know those in my family are doing it out of a misguided sense of faith. Their faith that says love they neighbor, and all that has been twisted and manipulated to say let thy neighbor fall on his ass and get himself up off the ground while thou doest watch him struggle.

I was dumbfounded when there was a call to my mom while she was here. The caller freaking out because she heard Obama made children pledge allegiance to him at the end of his talk to schools that week. She had called several people to make sure it was true! I can’t fault her for calling a school teacher. After all we trust teachers. She would know the truth. Indeed the teacher said she had seen it herself and it was true!

It took me all of five minutes and a handful of clicks, a search or two on Google and Youtube to view the video myself… a jump to the Whitehouse website to read the transcripts… all versions of the speech before the madness and after. It took moments to prove the insanity for what it was without calling anyone who claims to be in the know.  Of course it was a lie. An insidious rumor designed to scare the ones who wouldn’t be able to look beyond the paranoia and fear they had built up in themselves to see just how idiotic the whole idea was. They knew they could count on the hysteria taking hold and the fallout lasting well into next year.

As usual they left out handy little historical facts such as their own political favorites, Bush and Reagan doing the exact same thing when they were president, only with far more obvious slants than Obama even dared. One of them even implored the children to join the Republican party.  Then again, from their point of view, thats quite ok.  In their minds, utopia would be a United States without a few clauses in the constitution about freedom of religion… as long as its their religion in control. Oh wait, wouldn’t that be a socalist…er….nah… couldn’t be Marxist at all could it.

They forget… how easily they forget. I thought it was a joke at first. How could someone believe something so utterly ridiculous. Anyone could see how any politician daring to do something so stupid would be political suicide even if they wanted to. There are a million things wrong with the idea without even thinking very hard about it. Thats the problem with conspiracies, they play on peoples fears and fear isn’t always rational. It wasn’t until Laura Bush came out in support of the president that the ranting stopped, only they were upset now because it wasn’t true and they wanted so badly for it to be really real. Like Santa or the Tooth Fairy.

Ironic too is that any republican worth his salt would have backed this reform for one good reason. I’ll leave out the hundreds I can think of just for this one. All I’ve heard from the auto industry for years now is that they can’t compete against the likes of Toyota because they are made in countries with national health care systems. They have to add anywhere from a grand to twice that to any vehicle they make to cover the medical costs of their employees. You would think a republican… a real honest to God true Republican, not these ranting paranoid posers in government right now… but a conservative concerned with being … well you know… conservative…. would want a level playing field and to give auto makers a chance by chopping off two grand per car on that sticker. You would think that wouldn’t you.

Another irony…. I seriously doubt the large majority of these people screaming socialism as if it were a dirty word, have ever been to a country with nationalized health care.  The very idea of it scares them…. like black people…. until you meet one.  Perhaps they could stand a trip or three to one of these horrible socialist countries they fear so much and see that their old people aren’t broken and bankrupt and things seem to work pretty well for them. You know, a country like Briton.  But lets take a truely socialist country like France for example. I know a few people who live there. They complain of the taxes but they all agree its worth it in the end. They never worry about going to the doctor any more than they would worry about dialing 911 for a cop or a fire fighter. None of the dooms day scenarios being painted here ever happen in any of these countries. Sure, there are the few cases where things didn’t work out… just as their are cases here of things not working out. Take mine for example.

So one friend, his father is 80 and lives in Paris. He had a bladder transplant last month. He discovered there was a problem. Saw a doctor the next day, was diagnosed, and had a new bladder all inside of a month.  Whats more is this 80 year old lives very comfortably on their version of social security. They honestly can’t understand why Americans are so willing to throw their parents to the wolves when they retire.  Our social security is the Fisher Price brand of social security for elders in comparison.  For such an arrogant and evil country, they seem to be doing ok. I’m sure I’ll be branded a traitor for just saying this because its contrary to what they want to believe.  The boogie man is a lot easier and takes a lot less brain power to think about.  Like the witch trials or the red scare, its easier to think in terms of us against them instead of … you know… my brother might die because our system is so broken.  That takes too much effort to think about. Digging into who is behind what movement and what march and what their motives are… thats just too much work.

One thing you can always count on from people who live their lives in fear. They are like dealing with meth addicts. Paranoid. Scared of anyone who isn’t them. Ready to pull the trigger and ask questions… I take that back.. they don’t ask questions… pull the trigger and shout with glee when they killed an innocent person who wants to help them be free of their addiction. Fear is self destructive and all I’ve seen from those suffering from pout-rage since loosing the Whitehouse is ignorance and blind obedience to follow the piper off any cliff he points to. This is like the whole embarrassing “freedom fries” bullshit a few years ago… only people are dying this time and I’m one of them.

they should be asking one question they always seem to forget. The one question they rubbed my nose in for a year after some kid put it on a Tshirt… as if I’d never thought to ask this question myself while struggling with my sexuality, living a double life and being a pathological liar about anything I thought would expose how I really felt…a very good question to be true… but one used as a club to pummel an opponent with instead of actually acting on it yourself….. what would Jesus do? Would he want those in my situation to loose their lives for no other reason than I can’t get insurance? I don’t have enough money to pay the $2200 + $600 for two prescriptions I need every month? The Jesus I spent ten years of my life reading about and thinking about every waking moment wasn’t anywhere as hateful as those who pretend to know him and are marching in the streets right now.

Nah, its just too hard to take responsibility for yourself. Its easier to blame someone else and call anything that makes you think… unpatriotic… socalist…or any other word that can be turned into a dirty word…. like the ACLU…who saved your freedoms many times over but also fought for equal rights for all Americans… like the constitution promised… but they were people we don’t like so that makes ACLU a dirty evil word now….or any other word we can turn from white to black or black to white … right you can twist into wrong and wrong you can twist into right… as long as it supports what you believe… the ends justifies the means…right?

Sure.

This I’ll say. If all I have is 18 months or 20 months or 10 years…. I’m going to spend it writing and forcing people to face themselves and take responsibility for their own actions… just as I have done and have strived to do most of my life….I’ve got things I’d like to change about myself so I’m going to do that… but I don’t blame others for my own misfortune… except perhaps a system that has consumed every penny I have and is soon to consume my home in order to keep myself alive.  Injustice I will continue to call out for the time I have left and I can guarantee you this… they aren’t going to like what I have to say.  Why should they listen to me anyway. I fell from grace and God doesn’t love me anymore. So why should they listen to the ass… oh wait…thats the old testament…it doesn’t count…unless of course your condemning homosexuals…. like blacks and socialists… you don’t think you know any so its ok to toss them to the wolves.

Ok, so i’ll go back and take this last part out because its me being angry and hurt….beyond hurt…. but its not being calm and rational and I’m sure I’ll get emails about it… assuming anyone ever reads any of this … and I’m positive they dont.  so i’m not going to take it out and censor myself. so there. nyaaa.

GOP Medicare