Who is we?

Gary and I live in a 500 sq ft wooden cabin on the Skycomish River in the Cascade foothills. We’re both disabled and are together 24/7 in this tiny space. We spend our time reading, laughing, eating, laughing, and  being entertained by our dogs. The fact that we get along so well and love each other every day more than the one before is a testament to how opposites attract. He’s very Italian, demonstrative, and loud.  Make that silly.  He’s a goofy one he is.

I’m a mellow bear who is patent and kind… or so I’m told.

I have galleries on this website from when I did the design myself, which I’ve not quite linked into this wordpress thing yet. If you want to see pictures of the cabin and moutains where we live, our dogs, us, or any of a personal nature such as when I did the Bear magazine thing….email me for a link. I’ll get them hooked up at some point.

Papabear

aka (Randy Reeves)

The Why of papabear.biz

I really don’t believe anyone reads this website except for spammers. The only comments I ever get are from them. So why do I bother?  I suppose its my therapy. An attempt at immortality…assuming the cyber world will continue on and reach out into space and other worlds and not die here prematurely.

I write because it makes me feel better. I vent because it exorcises demons I’ve carried with me most of my life. As a result a lot of my ranting has to do with Christianity. As a boy I often wondered why ministers told lies. I knew from an early age I was gay, but all I heard about gays was how evil and horrible they were. I knew in my heart, and being so young I never questioned who I was or doubted God loved me, that being gay was how God made me. I knew God loved me. I loved him. I had not yet reached an age where an adult could convince me I was wrong. I would hear what the bible had to say about these evil people all the while thinking to myself “they are talking about me!” but knowing that wasn’t at all who I was.  I wondered, many times unable to sleep, at the ripe old age of five, why the bible would lie about me.  If it could lie about me, what else had it lied about?  I eventually went to Bible college to get answers and what I learned there changed much in how I viewed the church. For me, the damage done to me by the church is a million times worse than what I suffered at the hands of a pedophile later.  I call it sexual abuse for an organization to try and brainwash me into hating myself for who I was and I still am angry over it. Angry because I’ve been unable to get anyone in a church to listen to me. Angry because I’ve been ignored, downplayed, dismissed, minimized and demonized. In my young mind, the church was no better than the bully who took my lunch money and then pretended to be my friend in school. In fact, he was a preachers kid so it just settled the argument for me. I fouind it ironic that the only scriptures that spoke directly about homosexuality were penned by one man. Paul. The more I read his words, as a gay man, the more I recognize something very familiar. He was a man struggling with his own self hatred. He sounds exactly like a lot of men I know who hate themselves in the church. Of course it all depends on which version of the book you read.

The worst part of all this is that my own family subscribes to these beliefs. Its unavoidable really. They aren’t gay so its easy to make assumptions and believe what they are told by seeming experts.

So thats why this website takes the view it does. its really just for me to write out my feelings and hope that one day someone struggling with their sexuality finds my words and recognizes a kindred spirit and realizes that God made them the way he did for a reason and the only person that hates him are the ones pretending to love him, while holding his lunch money in their collection plates.

Ok, so thats a bit harsh but I’m not feeling so hot today. I may change this later. who knows.